Crummy Press
Crummy Bits Issue 1 has finally become available to read online! I would be happy about this however, I am concerned about people reading through my zombie phase. It’s definitely one that I’m least proud of. I was less fearful when the comic was only available in a few printed copies and most of the people that bought a copy didn’t even read the issue because they thought it would be of great value in the future. Who knows? It just might very well be – for all we know a new revolution for the Toons may begin and all it needs is a brick.
Leading up to the digital release, I tried to cure my plaguing worries by questioning some of the Toons that were featured in the comic.
I decided to start with the hippy characters who had had their first cartoon feature in the Crummy Bits comic. They were always high as a kite, and the funny thing was when I found them to question them, they were trying to retrieve an abandoned kite from a tree to create a tent so they could take cover from a day of tripping.
I asked them what they thought about the comic being released in a digital format, while they were building a ladder from left-over dreadlocks.
“We’re vegans!”, the blonde hippie screamed out before the bearded one could talk. “Digital release? I don’t trust it! I don’t trust anything I can’t smoke!”
The bearded hippie exclaimed, “Can’t you find us a taller friend?! We’re running out of dreads here!”
I started to feel uncomfortable when they started to stroke my fur with bulging eyes. Aware that they were vegans, I knew my bunny meat was safe however these 2 are known as The Hippicrits so they might just use my fur to add to a wall to keep calm and trip long. My paranoia reached a newly discovered level causing me to rush away as the blonde hippie screamed, “TELL YOUR FRIENDS WE’RE VEGAN!”
I found refuge in an alley. My relief was short-lived when I started to hear rattling bottles and disorderly shuffling in the background. A stench hit my nostrils and a rough whisper rose to my ears.
“Yous looks likes yous made of that foods stuffs?”
It was Jim the Bum – I had prepared for this! I had managed to collect a few dreads from the hippies which I immediately handed over.
“Oh nice! Yous gots that dried meats!” Jim gulped down the dreads with the ferocious enthusiasm of a stoner who was too lazy to get food while watching the food channel, and all of a sudden food had majestically appeared.
“Yous that bunny that does thems reports for that ol’ Rumps. Yous mus’ be here ‘cause of that comic?”
I asked him why he knew of my recent activities.
“I stole one of thems smarty phones, an’ I follows yous. I’s been waiting for thems payments.”
I told him the funds had gone into rebuilding the headquarters after the zombie chaos.
“Yous to blame for me not having any payments! Yous munched on my brain made me not think good. Yous owe me payments! Yous to blame! Yous to blame!”
Jim had hit instant PTSD flashbacks. With a clawing hand, he took out a knife from his pocket and started to hack away at the smartphone in his other hand.
“I’s making another knife so I’s can stabs you twice!”
Thank The Creator for these bunny legs or else I would never have escaped! I ran and ran, and I surely did hop! Oh God, how I hopped! True fear is being chased whilst hearing “I’s gonna stabs, twists an’ shakes yous” echoing through the air.
I didn’t care if people learned about my zombie phase – right then as I ran and hopped, all I could think about was that today was a good day not to be stabbed or become a furry wall.
Good day, crummy toon lovers! My intelligence has returned after my recent zombie attack. I sure did cause quite a mess when I was munching on some of the Toon’s brains and if Rumperskullskin didn’t find the cure I don’t know how bad things could have gotten. The headquarters is still recovering from all the chaos caused by the Ant’s, which explains Rump’s reluctance to give them more toon space. Rump’s has started to get all the Toons to play there part to get Cartoon Crumbs back into full production and he has tasked me to report on all news. Let’s hope I do a good job because I sure don’t want to end up on Rump’s S#?tlist. I hope you enjoy my first Crummy Press release and I plan to keep you updated the best I can. Stay Crummy! – Bunny Boy.
Recently Rumperskullskin had acquired his old office back to find that Low Life Dad had filled the space with empty beer bottles and cans. Low Life Dad had already made the s#?tlist but a usual suspect had also been added, BEER! This is Beer’s second time added to the list causing Rumperskullskin to take action and prevent Beer from interfering with the Toon productions.
“If it was just a few bottles then I could let it slip but Beer just had to have all his buds show up, and he invited a bunch of cans too. I have no option but to restrict his access to certain areas of the Cartoon Crumbs headquarters,” Rumperskullskin stated while filling the 80th refuse bag of empty bottles and cans.
I searched through the headquarters to find Beer, I caught him trying to make a quick escape from the building. I could not read his emotions but I could hear a slight fizz. I asked him if he knew he had been added to the list.
“Blame the Beer like always! Rumperskullskin is quick to forget that I was delivered to Low Life Dad to produce content. What am I supposed to do? I don’t have much power, the power belongs to the ones that hold me!” Beer was becoming furious with signs of bubbling over.
“Unfortunately some Toons can’t control themselves and for years Low Life Dad has proven to go overboard when I’m around. Low Life Dad better switch to cider! He got me into this mess, if he comes along my path again, I’m gonna give him the worst hangover or trick him into having another kid!” Beer rolled away with a wave of newfound anger. I think he needed some air because I heard his cap pop off, either that or one of the Gutter Punk’s had picked him up.
The future sure is looking stale and sour for Beer with Rumperskullskin enforcing tea as the new drink for the Toon’s for the new month, only time will tell when Beer will make a return that’s if he ever gets scratched off Rump’s s#?tlist.
With a decline in live caricature bookings, Cartoon Crumbs in house artist has learned to gain nutrition from paper leftover from events. I found him huddled under his desk collecting some pencil shavings. After he had collected a handful of shavings, he packed it onto an A3 piece of paper, rolled it up and took a big bite, “I call it the starving artist’s burrito!” the cartoonist’s words barely audible while he struggled to chew.
“I used to draw pictures of cheese, vegetables and different types of meat on the pages. But after I ran out of materials to add colour then it lost the illusion of being food Now I’m just happy to find what paper is left, found quite a stash from last years events so I should be able to keep functioning for a few more weeks.”
Thoughts of him needing something to wash down his so-called meal came to mind, leading me to ask what his opinion was of Rumperskullskin’s plan to enforce tea onto the Toons. His face became wide-eyed of sorrow. “Toons are getting tea? Damn, that means I have to change a bunch of artwork. I better start practicing how to draw teacups before Rumperskullskin starts throwing them at my head to get the visuals into my brain, he did that with guitars and amps this week and my head still has a heartbeat.”
The artist gobbled up his paper burrito and started to instantly sketch teacups. I tried to get him to answer a few more questions but he said I should leave before Rumps came with reference material. As I started to rush my way out he shouted, “Bring me tea bags! I can add them to my burritos !”
My visit to the artist left me curious and to be honest I wasn’t gonna miss him being hit on the head with teacups or whatever Rump’s had planned for him to draw. This was a great opportunity to get some funny quality pics for the site, slapstick humour might just be what the site needs. My main concern was if Rumperskullskin would want such pictures released.
I lingered close to the Cartoonist’s office and waited for Rumps to come round. A few minutes went by until I could hear rattling clanks when suddenly Rumps appeared from around the corner of the hallway. He was carrying a metal tray with a tea set, I could see steam rising from a pot. My thoughts were of worry to think a freshly brewed pot of tea might be thrown at the Cartoonist. My worries were quick to disappear knowing the pictures could bring in the views! The site needs content no matter who gets burnt! I snuck my way to the brim of the Cartoonist’s office door and raised an ear to listen.
“I see you already heard that tea is becoming the new drink for the Toons, these teacup sketches aren’t half bad.” Rumperskullskin’s voice was calm. “There’s just one problem!” Rump’s voice becoming stern, “It’s done on paper, due to the lack of demand for live caricatures Cartoon Crumbs will be focusing on more digital content. More animations and webtoons. I’ll be placing the pencils and paper in storage until Caricature season starts again” The Cartoonist replied with a weary tone, “B…b..b..b but what am I gonna eat, pencil shavings and paper is my only food source.”
This was it! Rumperskuillskin doesn’t like his actions being questioned, I peaked into the office and got my camera ready. Rumperskullskin snatched the pencil and paper away from the artist. At this point, I was taking photos with a trigger finger. Rumperskullskin’s placed the tea set onto the Cartoonist’s desk. “I guess you just got to snack on this here tea set, maybe it will help with inspiration when you have to cartoon it.” Rumperskullskin did not wait for a response and immediately started making his way to the exit. My feet could not be more ready to make the quickest of a cartoon getaways. Did Rump’s see me?! I just got my brains repacked into my skull from my zombie experience. I can’t have Rump’s unpacking them again. The risk was worth it, at least I got some insight into what content is in production.
This one is just a hunch but with Rumperskullskin ordering a rise in digital content I can assume that the first issue of Crummy Bits will be released in a digital format very soon. To be honest it’s about time. People need to be made aware of the zombie crisis and how it all started and why the Ant’s have been sent away. There’s still camera footage and documents that need to be transcribed and tooned for more upcoming issues. I don’t remember much from being zombified. However, I know I had a huge part to play. This might be why Rump’s made me report on all the Toons activities to prevent another incident. I’m starting to think he also wants to keep a close eye on me. I know for a fact that Rump’s will be more than busy fixing up the headquarters to read what I write, he’ll probably only read the headlines at most. I should just do a little test to see how much he actually skims through. Rumperskullskin needs to be added to his own s#?tlist! If I disappear, dear reader, you know why.
